M&M #1

In negotiating a new agreement with ourselves, we must recognize our own worth.  We cannot give away what we do not possess.  In order to reflect back to our children their own worthiness and lovability-ness…we must recognize and nurture that within ourselves.  In essence, if we want our children to unconditionally love themselves, we must do so to our own precious beings.
Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.
~Michel de Montaigne

So, where does exactly love begin?  With ourselves.  We get very good at loving others, the earth, the sun, moon and everything else under it but taking a little time, love and tenderness for ourselves seems to be particularly difficult.    It seems to be an especially tricky thing for women because it is a GIVEN we will love everyone, including the dog, cat, hamster and goldfish and serve them relentlessly before we love ourselves.  A lot of times, this doesn’t even feel like love.  Because we are empty…trying to fill everyone else up…but ourselves.  Then it becomes more like duty.  You know the kind that is obligatory, kind of like Christmas dinner with relatives you would not necessarily choose under normal circumstances and barely resemble in the light of day.  But we do it.  We throw some parsley on the plate of love, serve it up with a smile (or is that a grimace?) and hand it off as love?  We scratch our heads wondering why those hooligans we call our children are so ungrateful for all of this heaped-upon-their-little-heads love.  Even the hamster seems to harbor a grudge.  It’s like those faked “I’m sorry’s” when you were little and you broke your sister’s toy (on purpose) because she ate the last brownie that you had been saving all day and were going to savor right after dinner. You aren’t sorry, you just go through the motions, say the words and everybody walks away happy.  Or do they? But we’re groomed to play nice.  With everyone — but ourselves.

Do years of this kind of lip-service finally  pile up into one stinky mound of nothingness that we continually drag in and out of relationships, sprinkling a little powdered sugar on top and pass it off as love.  Oh, I get it.  That’s what we call sustainability.  She who endures the longest…what?  She still dies.  Sometimes a little each day.

What if there was a radical shift in our thinking about what love actually was…what if it is a magic elixir we drink that speaks the truth to our very being.  It tells us we are magical beings, who are innately perfect and whole without ever…gasp here, doing a thing.  Our worthiness does not depend on what we do.  It does not depend on what we do not do.  It is not based on our hair color, eye color, shoe size, waist size, bust size, how many times we work out (or do not), if we have a degree, if we have children, a dog, a husband, if we have clutter in our drawers, closets and unidentifable stains in the floor mats of our cars.  There is only one way we “lose” this perfection and worthiness.  When we do not allow it to be so.

We do this in small ways.  We do this by saying “yes” when we mean no.

Today…if only for a “mommy moment” can we make an agreement to just breathe in our own goodness and say “yes” to ourselves?   Take a moment right now to stop.  Put your hands over your heart and breathe in…for the count of 4, hold it for the count of 4 and then release it for the count of 4.  Do this for a minute, if you can while thinking, “I am worthy of love.”  psst…You are you know! Then, as you move about the day, come back to this from time-to-time.  Stop.  Breathe.  Love.

Also, when anyone asks you to do anything, at least for today, tell them you will think about it and get back to them.  It’ not a “no” – but, it’s a nice start… to stop — and listen to ourselves and begin to set up boundaries for ourselves to give US a chance to grow.

YOU are magnificent!  Can you feel THAT!??

Giggles & hugs,
We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap
of being our own worst enemies.
~Roderick Thorp, Rainbow Drive

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